It is with a heavy heart that 90min must report, there has been a murder. A brutal butchering took place in the Netherlands on Saturday afternoon, and one that simply cannot be ignored.
Dutch champions Ajax went to the stomping ground of fellow Eredivisie outfit VVV-Venlo, battered them beyond reason, and then buried them in their own back garden. The visitors won 13-0.
Thirteen. One more than 12, and one less than 14. 13. Unlucky for some, eh VVV-Venlo?
Ajax got off to a good start on Saturday, taking the lead on 12 minutes. “Don’t worry lads, we’re still in this one!” That minor setback for the hosts was doubled five minutes later, when Lassina Traore got in on the act.
“Okay, no need to panic, 2-0 is a dangerous lead, I’ve heard.”
The game was put to bed just after the half-hour mark thanks to Traore, and Dusan Tadic made it four just before the stroke of half-time. Imagine that team talk.
“Right lads, it’s damage limitation time, okay? Stay focused, no silly tackles, no trying to be a hero. Just go out there, stay solid, and maybe even try to win the second half. It’s hugely important that we don’t lose our heads.”
Seven minutes later, VVV-Venlo were down to ten men, following a straight red card for Christiaan Kum. In fairness Christiaan, I’d have probably done the exact same thing, mate.
Now a man light, it was always going to be tough.
“Time to stick together, boys!”
Instead, they fell apart. Second half goals from *huge intake of breath* Traore, Antony, Jurgen Ekkelenkamp, Daley Blind, Traore again, Huntelaar X2, Lisandro Martinez and Traore AGAIN gave Ajax an embarrassing victory by a 13 goal margin, sending their goal difference to +21 after only six matches.
As for our plucky heroes of this story, VVV-Venlo still sit comfortably in tenth place in the table, although their -13 goal difference may put them at a disadvantage in the latter stages of the season…
“We shall never speak of this incident again.”