Shall we just cancel the 2020/21 season and hand Bayern Munich literally every trophy in the entire world? They’re going to win it all anyway, so what’s the point delaying it?
Clearly having never heard of the idea of taking a day off, Bayern roared to an overwhelming 8-0 victory over Schalke in the Bundesliga opener on Friday, just over a month after putting eight past Barcelona in the Champions League.
How can a team be that good?
Sure, dominating David Wagner’s Schalke is like beating a three-year-old in an arm wrestling contest, but that’s not the point.
Eight goals. Again.
The ridiculous thing about Bayern is you could argue that last season, the only player who wasn’t an 11/10 was Kingsley Coman. Instead of accepting his imperfections, Bayern have just gone and replaced him with Leroy Sané, who chimed in with two goals and an assist on his debut.
The scariest side in the world just got a little bit scarier, and there’s absolutely nothing anybody on this planet can do about it.
If you thought that Thiago Alcántara’s departure would hurt Bayern, you were wrong. Hansi Flick’s entire squad are so strong that they can make up for the loss of creativity by just making a few changes.
Joshua Kimmich, who was handed Thiago’s number 6, took the role of chief string-puller in midfield and played Schalke off the park in the same way that Thiago did for years. Benjamin Pavard dropped back into right-back, and that was that. Bayern had replaced one of the greatest midfielders on the planet with another and just carried on dominating.
Thomas Müller did his usual roaming to wreak havoc and Serge Gnabry popped up in every area of the pitch to ensure he could not be marked. There’s no way to defend that, and Bayern know that. They enjoy ripping teams apart.
By the time Bayern had hit six or seven, Flick decided to withdraw some of his top stars and give some of the young kids a run out. American defender Chris Richards was introduced alongside former Chelsea youngster Jamal Musiala, in a move which should have made Bayern a little weaker for the last 15 minutes.
But it didn’t.
Bayern remained on top and Musiala even found the back of the net. They were actively trying to not be so dominant and still couldn’t stop.
They will want to win the Bundesliga, the DfB Pokal, the German Super Cup, the UEFA Super Cup, the Champions League and the Club World Cup. The scary thing is, it’s hard to see them not winning all six of those trophies. Give them the Premier League too. What’s the point anymore?
For any fan out there who isn’t utterly petrified of seeing your team face Bayern, I’d advise you to re-evaluate your entire life. Find a different hobby. I’ve heard good things about golf.
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