Ah, transfer rumours. Simultaneously the best friend and worst enemy of the football writer.
In truth, we rarely know if they’re true or not; but it rarely matters. All that matters is they exist, and for better or worse, they give us all something to talk about.
But while we can’t say with absolute certainty whether Kylian Mbappé is going to Liverpool or if Manchester United are going to finally get their act together in the transfer market, we can have an educated guess, thanks to the cutting-edge technology here at 90min. Think of it as rumour VAR.
Yes, less than two weeks since its last outing, the famous Bulls**t-o-Meter is back to run the rule over everything that has come to light in the last week or so.
Linked Clubs: Tottenham
One that has really only come to light over the weekend, the Dutch wonder-kid fast becoming a wonder-man is reported in his native Netherlands to be verging on a January move to Spurs.
There’s little to say this one won’t happen; except perhaps the sheer speed at which it has emerged from nothingness. He’s affordable (even for Tottenham) and long overdue a move away from PSV, where even his extraordinary goal and assist numbers have been unable to drag them into a title challenge this season.
Even PSV coach Ernest Fabian has admitted the player is in talks over a move away; this one looks, for all the world, as if it’s happening.
Possibility of Future Transfer: Nailed On
Likelihood of January Move: Very Strong
BULLS**T-O-METER RATING: 1/10
Linked Clubs: Aston Villa, Barcelona, Inter
Giroud’s January move to Chelsea in 2018 was perhaps the most January transfer in the history of January transfers. Some say it even invented the January transfer window; that theory defies all logic and reason, but so too does the basic concept of Olivier Giroud, so who knows?
Anyway, a whole smattering of clubs ranging from Premier League relegation strugglers to the champions of Spain are said to be in the running. He looks a sensible short-term addition for literally any of them, and he certainly doesn’t look to have a future at Chelsea.
There is of course plenty of lazy, ill-informed reporting on his situation doing the rounds, but at the core of it all you would imagine there is no shortage of truth in the widespread interest.
Possibility of Future Transfer: Highly Likely
Likelihood of January Move: Moderate
BULLSH**T-O-METER RATING: 3/10
Linked Clubs: Arsenal, Everton
James Rodriguez’s once-unbounded potential has buckled under injury in recent years, and now he sits unfancied at Real Madrid; who are now prepared to sell him for around half of what they paid to acquire him back in 2014.
However, he remains a favourite of Carlo Ancelotti – the man who initially brought him to Madrid – so with the Italian’s arrival at Everton came plenty talk about a hugely-ambitious and ostensibly far-fetched move to Goodison Park for the Colombian.
Arsenal are also said to be in the frame, and while neither can be disproved, it’s one of those that would have to be seen to be believed.
Possibility of Future Transfer: Nailed On
Likelihood of January Move: Low to Moderate
BULLSH**T-O-METER RATING: 5/10
Linked Clubs: Arsenal, Liverpool
Jesus, now we’re getting into it. The Brazilian’s stock has fallen steadily ever since his controversial departure from Anfield, and even a loan spell to Bayern Munich – which initially promised much – has failed to stop the rot.
His parent club don’t want him and his current suitors don’t want him, so his future looks very much in limbo. A return to the Premier League has been subject to much discussion over the last week or so, although it seems highly unlikely that will be back to Liverpool – a rumour that continues to persist despite it making absolutely no sense whatsoever given how the Reds have evolved since his departure.
A January move is of course a near-impossibility, but a summer switch to the likes of Arsenal isn’t quite out of the picture.
Still, you get the sense that very little of the speculation here is thoroughly-researched – or researched at all.
Possibility of Future Transfer: Probably
Likelihood of January Move: Non-existent
BULLSH**T-O-METER RATING: 7/10
Linked Clubs: West Ham
– you, just there, probably.
Yes, it seems the man who left West Ham shrouded in controversy in 2017, because he didn’t want to play in the ‘lower reaches’ of the Premier League, is being linked with a return to West Ham, who currently reside in the ‘lower reaches’ of the Premier League.
That’s despite the fact he’s currently 32, and very much enjoying his football in France’s second-best team – a team whose chairman recently said he won’t entertain any offers for players this
Everything about this one screams ‘absolutely not.’
Possibility of Future Transfer: Lukewarm
Likelihood of January Move: ffs no
BULLSH**T-O-METER RATING: 8/10
Linked Clubs: Inter Miami
Even allowing for the unlikely event that he is to leave City this summer (he has 18 months left on his deal and is playing at the very top of his game, so go figure) why on earth would he be heading to wind down in MLS? In this unlikely hypothetical universe there is a queue encompassing several blocks for his signature, and that’s just the major European clubs in contention.
David Silva? That’s another matter – he’s three years further along in his development and his departure has been announced a year in advance.
Agúero though? Come on, try harder.
Possibility of Future Transfer: Reasonable
Likelihood of January Move: Behave
BULLSH**T-O-METER RATING: 10/10
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